Halloween! My folks get into this...90 yr old pop with stupid hat on scarin the kids...funny..Mom complimenting the kids on their costumes..then talkin about how cute they all were...very sweet.

I lost the compassion for holidays after I lost my kids. God I remember how cute Sarah was in her little outfits! We had so much fun...and then Christmas too..

I consciously made the decision to leave the kids and wife...I say to you now: be careful of your decisions thru your Ego. They may leave you utterly empty at times...and all you will be left with is your Ego and an empty heart. When I was 40 I wanted to marry a family. It was too late for me. I committed ( against my heart ) to a co-dependent relationship that would last 25 years. When I woke up all was changed...and not for the better. Or so I thought...

Every so often I sit here ( and in other places ) and cry my eyes out. They are tears of regret and the knowledge that I could have made so many different choices in my life...so many. Damn...if I could just go back and try it again..it would be different. Of course it would not. But we do like to think it would be. I am finding that to go back is silly and serves only your Ego. To go forward with Love and Forgiveness is the way...and man is it tough sometimes...especially on Halloween.

Another beautiful day today...just wonderful. Spoke to some very nice people. A little ol lady named Margaret signed up for a box of fruit...she is so cute and kind...got me thinkin about the last generation and how their sense of protocol is such a part of their life. I love talking to the older generation...when they can actually hear me that is..lol..

I smiled at every single person I met or passed or saw today...every one. I got back smiles, frowns, giggles, curious looks, and some laughs too. This job is an exercise in psychology and it is so much fun to play...I can literally produce the exact response I want by speaking and acting a certain way most of the time...

I got to this one door and the dogs were totally in control ( something that is in the majority BTW ) and I decided to just stand there and see what happens...as I stood there and said nothing...the person did not know what to do...lol...I sent out love to the dogs and waited...in a few minutes they stopped! The person said " well I'll be damned"....I laughed and went to my little pitch...

Another door revealed an angry person that was all wrapped up in his ego..I looked at him and said ( with my thoughts only ) "All is well...you are safe..let your anger go and relax for 5 minutes "...he came outside and listened to me....

This stuff works! I prove it everyday...and the thing is...it is LOVE...just LOVE...when I show or project Love from my heart and release my Ego...the energy between me and the other person changes to one of acceptance and allowing...even if it is for only a moment ( and sometimes much longer )...

If you want to change your life...change your thoughts and actions...and do it NOW. Right now. Why wait? Got some big deal Ego thang to do? Try it...start by loving others with your thoughts.

As I sit here writing and listening to an incredible CD called Women of the World Acoustic...really...get this CD! Some incredible voices on it...
....anyway I am sitting here and the thought occured to me that my sister ( Shelley Anderson of Dealing With Diva's fame ) is pretty cool. She has done some cool stuff and has lived an interesting life. I honor her soul and am happy that I chose this family in which to incarnate...I wish we were closer physically...She has beautiful fire energy and is always fun to be around..

Looking forward to seeing her and April soon. Which brings me to my niece April. I have been following her in various places and have to say....she is stuck. I am not so sure what I mean but it feels as if she is stuck. No direction...yet. We all have our own path and that is as it was designed...I hope she finds hers. I think I am looking at her life thru my past and all of the years of stunted growth ( we do seem to love our detours )...

It is very hard to live without your nasty little Ego...very hard. And yet so simple.

Well off to soak my body..I am workin out ( and look and feel better than ever too )..so my body loves to be soaked...Pop has taken to watchin old movies ( LOUDLY )...he is going backwards...it is alarming and kind of fun actually..lol..

New recipe: Pasta with tomato sauce...my favorite...( I could eat pasta just about every day )..

This one is easy...take some great sos and pour it over some great pasta...eat it with some great Chianti wine and a great salad...and your life lover. Listen to Pavrotti or some jazz...dance before you eat and after too..take a walk with her ( or him ) and kiss alot....

Actually...this is what we do for most meals!!...works for me..lol..

Got beat up today...or I should say my Ego did...I am just fine but man did he take a hit. Spoke to alot of people today and they just would not commit to my farm...very frustrating.

Then I realized that it had nothing to do with me...lol..hell I wasn't even there....lol..I let my Ego get all beat up. Good for him anyway. Maybe he will settle down when this stuff happens....I kept talkin to him...shit he even listened a couple of times.

The more I do this vocation...the more I let him go. At some point I will look around he will be gone! Bothering someone else I'm sure..lol..

All in all a good day!! Namaste!

Today I woke up feeling rather splintered...kind of half there. I kept waking up last night..dealing with issues of my integrity and honesty with others. I have been trying to release my propensity to embellish...wanting to sound like there is more than meets the eye...

All about the Ego again...little bastard. So this time I woke up and took some long deep breaths and said Love in and Love out...and visualized beauty and light and warmth all around me.

Worked like a charm! Please do this for yourself. Breath in Love...say it as you breath in...then the same thing when you breath out...do it like 6 times at least. Then visualize colors...and nature...and lights...and feel warmth all throughout your body. Stop what you are doing right now and do this. Do it all throughout the day too.

It will calm you down and center you. It will put you at peace.

And most importantly...it will not include your little monster..your Ego.

Are you ready for the next issue? Judgement. Whoa...now this one is huge!! Can you go an entire day without judging anything. I bet you cannot go one hour...lol...

Try it. Go ahead...

Well...that's done. At least for now anyway...need some feed back on the layout...too green?
I will probably change it a billion times..lol.. that's the thing about the web and these cool social sites...they are so damn addicting!

I made the page without any consultation from my Ego ( which will now be called The Great Scott )...and he was pissed. Locked him in the front closet.

Got a clear message from my angels..." Write" they said.. So I begin the next chapter of my life.

I have to begin by writing about The Ego. That man made monster. That total control freak. That little voice that always tells you what to do. You know who I am speaking about...that person.
I am going to figure how to leave him...tried alot of stuff...tried running...tried closing my eyes and counting to 10...
Hopefully this blog ( book ) will end up with the answers I seek. Hope you have some input too. You are welcome to add your issues and ideas...in fact I need 'em..lol..

See ya soon...have to do something with you know who...he is getting a little suspicious of all this writing ( I won't let him in the room while I do this..lol.. ) so he gets all geeked up about it...a real pain in the ass...